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A Letter to My Daughter

Daughter,

First and foremost, I never thought I would be your mom. Or anyone’s mom, for that matter. Therefore, I ask in advance that you bear with me while I figure this whole thing out. It might take me a minute. And by a minute, I mean the rest of my natural human existence.

I’ve lived a long life before you. I’ve seen a lot of things that I never want you to see. I’ve endured losses I’m unprepared for you to experience. I won’t always have the answers, but I am ready to throw myself over you as a shelter and allow you be small and innocent for as many days as I can possibly corral before the world sinks her teeth into you.

This isn’t meant to scare you. The universe is amazing and vast and has much in store for you. I do not want you to be afraid of your own shadow. There will be incredible people and great food and lots of laughs coming your way, I can promise you this.

But there will undoubtedly be sadness and pain and things that cannot be undone, but instead must simply be endured. I am not sure how to navigate these times for you. These experiences are hard for us big people, too, but I know that we will figure it out together.

I apologize in advance for the worry that will surely come along with the joy of all of your inaugural moments. Like when you stand up for the first time on your own, and I will know without a shadow of a doubt that you will quickly fall back down. I will want to save you or make sure you don’t hit your head or startle yourself. There will be times when I’ll be right there to help you up. And still others, where I will have to refrain and let you find your way back to your feet by yourself, as I observe from a distance.

I hope to give you everything I didn’t have, without spoiling you rotten or attempting to run your life. It will be a tightrope I walk to not do too much or give too much or control too much or deny too much. There are so many avenues I could mess things up by way of my own baggage. But I promise to do my very best not to exorcise my demons on you. Instead, I will make valiant attempts to actively learn ways to love and understand like I’ve not known before.

I’d like to say I picked for you an awesome father, but really, he picked me to be your mom. His blind faith in my ability to carry you and raise you up to be a wonderful human being emboldens me with a confidence that is foreign. Every day, I grow more comfortable in this new role, and no matter what life brings, I am supremely certain of the fundamental truth that the both of us will always be here as your foundation. We will love each other and we will love you, infinitely.

Thank you for choosing to come through me into this world. It is truly my privilege.

Love, Mom